I don't want this anymore

I want to kill myself. I'm so done with life. I'm at the point where I don't even care how it affects my children. I thought I was better, and I'm not. I'm not over it, any of it, and I don't want this. I don't want any of it. I wish it would all just go away. Every last bit of it. I hate my life. I love my kids, but every bit of my life is heart wrenching and I'm through with it. If I knew my kids would be taken care of right now I would throw myself over my balcony. I'm so stupid, I'm such a fool, what was I thinking? What am I still thinking? I don't understand anything!!! I'm so lost. I can't even find myself anymore. I want it all to go away.